If a Child Lives With …… – Anthea's Anthology

The longer I live and the more I experience and reflect on life, the more I understand it is an absolute miracle that our children have grown up to be such “normal, happy, healthy, productive” adults with such a capacity for love and a deep regard for others, as well as a having self esteem, confidence and belief in themselves {and God}. I admit it has to be more by the grace of God they turned out so well, than for any other reason! Heaven alone knows, as a Mom I’ve made many parenting mistakes and I can truthfully admit that raising children is one of the most challenging experiences I’ve ever faced, but it’s also been one of the easiest and most rewarding!

The easiest, because I LOVE children – all children at any age because they are so easy to love, especially when they’re at their best and when they’re MY kids! The most challenging because we parents bring children into the world with no idea on how to best rear, teach, guide and discipline them so they will be strong yet sensitive, be assertive but learn to conform to certain behaviors. Be kind to others but not be doormats. Be respectful and also be respected. To love and be lovable! So many more things. The list goes on doesn’t it?

Even if there were a perfect manual for parents, there are always exceptions to every rule. Children are all individuals, with their own set of unique genes and temperaments! In theory, everything sounds good – most advice reads well in a book. In practice it’s OMG – so different as any parent knows. In real life, those little sleeping angels can, in an instant, turn into raging, defiant, screaming and kicking apparitions that resemble, “brats” at best and “little demons” at worst! Yours isn’t like that? Not ever? Wow!!! That’s all I can say about that.

Children will test our patience, our endurance and cause us to have random thoughts about tearing out handfuls of our own hair {or grabbing them by the hair}, or screaming back at them at the top of our lungs in sheer defense, frustration or retaliation! {Anyone ever done that? I confess I screamed at least once or twice! Sorry David, Stephen and Chandra, but you drove me to it!}. Children will push boundaries that are set for their own good and they will demand boundaries that aren’t set by acting out in an unattractive manner. In fact, often they will run amuck until you DO set a boundary – and maybe by the time you set it, you’re so demented it’s an unrealistically harsh line you draw in the sand!

It seems children live to challenge rules, suggestions and authority {especially their parents rules – while the Grandparents of course, can do NO wrong – haha – I love being a Grandma and Great-Grandma}. It often seems that a child’s objective in life is to test their will against you the parent. Do they do it? You bet they do! Our kids did …. and they did it every day! If our little darlings did it, I know for sure yours are doing it!!! It’s the nature of the … dare I say it? …. the little “beast”! I’ve seen two year old children twirl their parents {both at once mind you} around their tiny little finger! Me? I’ve been twirled and I’ve been the twirler, so I’m permitted to talk about this! When you’re in the moment you’re in the heat of “battle” and depending whether you’re child or parent, you’re either trying to WIN or attempting to SURVIVE. But if you’re an innocent bystander looking on, you’re thinking “WTF – who’s the parent here? Get a grip and act like it – assert your parental authority!” Easier said than done, right parents?

But there is GOOD news! First off, most children turn out fine despite the occasional traumatic episode – or mishandled situation by an ill-advised parent. And we all know that the majority of parents LOVE their children dearly and see them as blessings that provide joy to life. AND they teach us a whole new meaning to unconditional love, that FAR outweighs the day-to-day challenges of child-rearing. Another benefit is that parents experience the most amazing personal growth and learn the greatest restraint ever, and it’s all FREE training! Your child is the trainer that causes you to aspire to new heights of personal growth and maturity! It’s also called self-preservation!

And I love this one {don’t know where it originated} “Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your kids”! I for one am SO grateful for God’s grace and mercy on me for my inept parental skills in the past. We are better parents and better people today because of our child-rearing experiences. We learned so much from raising our kids {you might say THEY taught us a lot} including an increased sense of humor, more patience, greater understanding and an endless love that is unconditional. Chuck and I have three amazing children who delight us and make us proud parents and grandparents. As a Great-Grandma with 5 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren, I feel SO blessed and love them all.

If there is one bit of wisdom out there for parents to learn – and implement in the home – I believe it is to model how to live:

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive
If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy
If a child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel guilt
BUT
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident
If a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves
If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice
If children live with recognition, they learn to have a goal
If children live with sharing, they learn to be generous
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live

May God Bless all the children and parents in the world!