I can’t believe what I almost missed yesterday!

My morning began with the usual leisurely cup of tea and devotional reading, followed by a brief peaceful quiet time.  I sat thoughtfully in the semi-darkness of early morning, pondering the busy day ahead, visualizing what the chronological events of my day would look like based on what I recalled was on my calendar.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, the naughty little voice in my head rudely interrupted my concentration and began to chide me, and tempt me! Grrrrrrr! It was doing its utmost to persuade me to skip my Thursday morning study on Biblical Womanhood. Really?

The naughty little voice chastised me: “You don’t need Gracepath today! It’s okay to stay home! Seriously Anthea, you need a break to catch your breath! With what you’ve got going on today plus the impending trip to visit your Dad, no one will blame you for bailing out. Besides, do you really need this chapter on mothers and daughters?”

Do you ever have a day like that once in a while? A day where you’d rather tune out, bail out or rearrange your calendar and stay home? LOL! I hope I’m not the only one!

The naughty voice persisted annoyingly, getting ever bolder and more obnoxious! “Seriously Anthea, can you REALLY spare the time? Let’s face it, you HAD a mother, you ARE a mother, you HAVE a daughter and you ARE a daughter! What can you possibly learn or gain from this segment?”

This is where the voice became arrogant as it blurted out “You know about all that stuff Anthea! You’ve lived it and breathed it! Heck! You could probably teach the class!” Ugh, where did THAT bad attitude come from? Surely that’s not me talking!

Sadly, I must confess it was negative “self talk”. Actually it was a battle brewing. A war of words in my head. A struggle for supremacy. Either I win or the “voice” wins!

Oh my goodness. STOP already! Begone naughty little voice! You’re out of line! You’ve overstepped your boundaries! You’ve misjudged me. How dare you speak to me in arrogance! What makes you think you can influence me this way? Get behind me temptation!

LOL! Are you laughing at my head talk conversation? Maybe you can even relate? I believe in being truthful and transparent in my writing—to share from the heart the internal struggles I face as I navigate life in all its glory, so let me admit I’m not always strong, sometimes I’m weak and I cave in, sometimes I’m boringly indifferent. Are you that way too? We humans are complex creatures, aren’t we? We’re all so uniquely different, and yet so much alike.

And life is not always easy is it? Life is not black and white, it’s not all good or all bad, it’s not all yes or no. It’s filled with masses of greys and dozens of maybe’s and lots of questions. I think, if we’re honest, each of us will admit to the running commentaries in our heads. It’s called self talk and it’s with us daily. As we walk the path of life, it accompanies us. It interrupts us, or argues with us or encourages and cheers us on, as we wrestle with decisions, priorities, choices and yes—even the voices of temptation.

It was negative trash-talk, so I banished the voice. I commanded it to cease and desist. Poof—all gone! Wow! It’s SO empowering to silence the internal voice whispering sentiments I choose not to hear.

I got up and showed up to bible study ! So thankful I did!

I cannot begin to share how blessed I was by the teachings of this segment and the accompanying scriptures. And I wondered at the passion and beautiful countenance of the Mom who led the study on mothers and daughters. How can someone so seemingly young (well not that young, but young to someone of my senior years!) speak with such wisdom and truth about motherhood? 

I sat spell bound and enthralled with the 200+ women as we were led on a path of learning and spiritual awakening (or reawakening) to the special and significant relationship of mothers and daughters and particularly how we mothers influence our daughters. But it was also a great reminder of the impact we have as role models and examples to all the women around us.

I thought about my own mother and what an amazing role model she was for me and other women. She demonstrated womanhood and motherhood by her consistent example, by her words and her actions—and from what she believed. I thought about her gift of unconditional love, integrity, how she nurtured me, and I remembered her unshakeable faith.  I recalled WHO she was, and how she was always so filled with joy, how she coped with the trials and tribulations of life with fortitude, and how, by her own example, she exemplified how to die courageously, and gracefully.

I thought about my daughter and how much I love her and am so grateful for her, for what she’s made of her life, for being a loving mother herself,  but mostly I’m blessed by who she has become, and continues to grow in her walk in life. I thought about my adopted “daughters”, granddaughters, my daughters-in-law and ALL the beautiful women in my life (past and present) who have touched me so deeply, and I pray I grow daily into the kind of womanly role model and mentor God would have me be.

I resolved to do better, to be more cognizant that in all I say and do, and in the way I present myself, will serve as a positive example to others who are paying attention (knowingly and unknowingly) to the way I conduct myself.

My cup overflowed as I sat in the auditorium and my heart filled with joy as I sensed the Spirit move in and around this large group of women, filling us with His love and grace. I was humbled. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I wanted to fall on my face in reverence as I felt His presence. All pride and arrogance washed away by a flood of forgiveness and unconditional love. By His blood we are saved—our transgressions forgiven.

By grace alone—through faith alone.

So grateful I didn’t acquiesce to the naughty negative voice. So happy I didn’t miss yesterday. Thank you Lord.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9