In the last 18 months, my mother’s dementia has worsened noticeably. I guess it’s to be expected – a natural progression of an insidious, incurable disease. But if you’re like me, you remain ever hopeful, and you might even look for a tiny sign of improvement, knowing all the while in your heart of hearts, you won’t find it….it’s not there. There’s no denying Mum’s dementia has advanced significantly, so we might as well embrace it for what it is, and make the best of a challenging and heart-breaking reality.

Humor helps. Not that dementia is funny, but having the ability to laugh, to find the lighter side of things in life {no matter how hard you try, or how deep you must dig}, does help ease the pain, the sadness and the frustration that accompanies this affliction of the mind.

When I’m with Mum, I find myself intentionally looking for those moments. A few seconds of shared levity – an opportunity to laugh with her. I look for an amusing little gesture or a glimpse of her wit that occasionally sneaks through the confusion and triggers a smile from us both, that lights up our faces … and can easily escalate into raucous laughter! Trust me it helps!

So I just want to share this with you. In the last year or so, we’ve heard Mum {who loves poetry} recite a quizzical little story. It’s puzzled me for a while now. I’ve wondered where it originated and why Mum recites it over and over – and over again. She always has this aura of mystery hovering around when she’s narrating it. The tone of voice and the facial expressions intensify, to match the mood she’s creating. Kind of like her very own “whodunit”!

It was a dark and stormy night
Two men sat on a rock
One said “jump” – and he did
He was never seen again.

We’ve asked her for the ending to no avail. Who jumped? Who was never seen again, what happened to him, and what became of the one left behind? It’s a total mystery. Once she got really close to my face, looked me in the eye and told the story in an eerie tone. Then she got this mischievous look and asked if I wanted to know the ending. I was so excited to find out that I burst out “of course – do tell!”  She smiled secretively and whispered “I don’t know!” Ugh!!!

As I said earlier it’s been bothering me not knowing how she came by this. Was it something she knew as a child? Something from school? Something she made up? {Although I must admit, it has a familiar ring to it but nothing I can nail down}. So I did some digging around on the internet and it appears Mum knows what she’s talking about. This was a “funny” endless story/poem that people would make-up as they went along – and added on their own variations.  Check it out here.

It seems that the opening phrase {it was a dark and stormy night} was very popular at one time due to English novelist Edward Bulwer-Lytton in the opening sentence of his 1830 novel “Paul Clifford.” {The story began that way} It was considered by some the worst opening sentence in literary history!!!! So the endless story was made up in a way to ridicule the author and his book. See Wikipedia.

I believe that my mother is reciting something old and familiar to her, or a game she played in the past that provided her with a  great deal of fun.

I’m smiling as I write this! It would be so like her to do something humorous and whimsical like this. How could I have missed that it’s her way of being playful, making light of a sobering condition.

Next time I’m with her I will play along and add my own version, then try to keep it going. Sustaining humor and frivolity in the midst of dementia is a saving grace. Thank you God for endowing your children with the gift of humor, laughter and merriment in the face of adversity.

 “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”  Proverbs 15:13

Read more from my Dementia Daze Collection