Okay it’s been five years since I expressed dislike in an earlier post for what I consider the Spandex invasion. Nothing has changed my opinion. I. DO. NOT. LIKE. SPANDEX in my cotton clothes! My recent foray for a skort {skirt with built-in shorts} slammed it home this week as I searched for 100% cotton skorts that don’t seem to be prevalent. What’s most annoying is not the 100% all-stretchy spandex that you’d expect in swimsuits and workout clothes, it’s the presence of Spandex in clothes that I prefer to be 100% cotton! Like my pants, like my shorts, like my skirts.

When will I learn that it’s not going away? They’re still putting that stretchy filler stuff in with the cotton to give it a stretch! {W.H.Y?} Seems I keep forgetting how annoying it is. Is it just me or do any of you other women out there dislike the Spandex/cotton blend that seems to be everywhere nowadays? The kind that bags out clothes in all the wrong places. Who the heck wants that baggy butt look anyway?

That’s what you get when you buy cotton with 3% or more Spandex. Hey, let’s face it, at my age I want all the perkiness I can get in my derriere. Did you hear Spandex? P.E.R.K.Y not saggy! My trainer and I spend serious workout time on my gluts to compensate for Mother Nature and the relentless pull of gravity, so I sure don’t need Spandex sabotaging my killer-butt workout {that I pay good money for} with its irritating stretch factor bagging out my clothing.

So I find these cute skorts in one of my favorite stores and I grab a couple to try on. Clearly they’re cotton. Then I think to check the label and notice 3% Spandex … sneaky! That changes things up a bit. Different strategy needed. Now I have to take three pairs into the dressing room {the size I really am and two sizes smaller} I won’t be fooled into buying my real size if it contains Spandex. Oh yes, you devilish man-made material – I am on to you. I will fake you out! I will squeeze into a size smaller, so when you start to stretch {about 10 minutes after wearing you} you’ll be the perfect fit.

Bahahaha! The dressing room becomes my time for extra squats. YES!!! More muscle toning! On goes a skort and it’s just the right fit … but I know better. The fit never lasts! Whoosh! OFF it comes! On goes the next garment – one size smaller. Hmmm, it feels pretty good, a little neat maybe, but okay. Time for more squats and knee bends. {Dang I hope they don’t have hidden cameras in dressing rooms! LMAO now!} So 10-15 squats later I assess the situation! Haha! Yes. They stretched out just like I thought they would – too much! It’s a no-go – already too loose in 30 seconds!! Whoooosh! OFF they come and the smallest size goes on. Whoa! A wee bit tight …. maybe that means they’re just right. A few more squats to make sure the material expands and loosens up … my squat-and-stretch test. Passed! Perfection! Success … it’s time to buy!

A new skort in the bag that’s a wee bit tight to start, but after a few minutes it’ll fit just right! Whoop! After wearing it all day, yep you guessed it, it’s loose and I feel like I’ve lost inches! Liar, liar pants on fire! NOT! No weight or inches lost, just time for a wash to tighten it back up … and so the cycle resumes. Around and around we go!

The Spandex merry-go-round!