I’ve found there are times in life when you must back up in order to free the space required to maneuver from where you’re stuck. I’ve found myself in that very place in recent days … needing the space to maneuver upward and onward.
It’s not so much physical space like a parking spot, but rather that coveted, precious white space in the mind and soul where peace and understanding dwell.
I’ve given a lot of thought to the past since January. Memories of all kinds have dominated my waking moments, crowding out the present at times and forestalling any thoughts or plans for the future. I’m not saying it’s been bad, or was time wasted … I’m simply stating reality.
When life hits hard, you do what you must to navigate through the maze of challenges and emotions you’ve never experienced before, in order to survive unscathed … and hopefully emerge stronger and wiser than before.
But now it’s time to go back to the future.
I’ve always been a forward thinker and very future driven, while striving to live in the present, but in the aftermath of my Dad’s passing, I was swept backwards into the past … and despite the desire and effort to extract myself, circumstances held me captive and I’ve been helpless to escape the magnetic pull of all that belongs in yesteryear.
I mean how could I free myself? The reminders engulfed me like a shroud. All the artifacts, photographs, books, letters, the old familiar inanimate objects, scents from long ago, and of course a bazillion memories … happy and sad ones … all reached out and sucked me into the vortex of the past. I finally succumbed. I decided to let go and see where this sojourn back to bygone days would lead. I let go and let God.
There’s peace in surrender.
This last visit to my parent’s house to empty the few remaining items in readiness for its new owners was freeing in a way I never expected. I thought it would be hard, that I’d be sad to leave. I even half expected my jangled emotions to lay strewn all over the map in full view, but to my surprise and delight, a few days prior to leaving, I found myself looking eagerly toward this next chapter in the book of life.
I don’t know what changed. Perhaps it was about timing, or maybe I reached a level of acceptance, or something magically released me from the hold of the past. Some things are meant to remain a mystery so it’s not for me to question the how or the why.
What really matters is I’m thankful for today … for my life. I look back to the past with love and gratitude for my parents … and I will carry forward loving memories of beautiful bygone days. My spirit sings with joyful hope and expectancy. It’s time!
It’s time to go back to the future.
“If we open a quarrel between past and present, we shall find that we have lost the future.” Winston Churchill